How to Grow (and Raise) an Alien...or Two

I just had a strange thought. Do people have a second child in case something happens to the first one? I realize that this sounds morbid and rather psychotic, but it's not an unheard of theory...it's just never been stated this way. People think it. You know they do. They just don't say it outloud. Ever been to a funeral for someone's child? Overhear someone say, "Well, it's so good that they have little Johnny. If they didn't have him, they would probably just fall apart." Looks to me like little Johnny has some big shoes to fill. I am so in love with Ainsley. I never knew that I was capable of that kind of love until she was born. I know that, now, if she were taken away from me, there would be a huge void...where would I direct this love? Do we have more than one child just to ensure that we have someone upon which to bestow our parental love? Or do we do it just so we have more hands to work the fields?

In about 4 months, I will be jobless. Normally, I would view this as a positive thing, but I think that the change will feel very strange to me. It's not that my job defines me or anything, but what exactly is my purpose? Is it to provide for my family? Is it to look after my family and simply give them the love and support that they need?

My church is currently in the midst of a "40 Days of Purpose" seminar type thing based on the book Purpose Driven Life. I'm wondering if everyone comes out of it with the same basic purpose for their life since they're all using the same book and attending the same seminars. Or let's go the non-cynical route and assume that everyone really and truly does discover what their true purposes are. Does everyone really want to know what their purpose in life is? I mean, it would be really great to find out that your purpose is to change the world in some meaningful way...discovering the cure for cancer; getting the world's leaders together to achieve global peace; become president, a senator or even a judge; be a part of a charity that really makes a difference; own a business that is based on morals and good judgement that serves as a model to all other corrupt businesses; be a parent that raises children of integrity - who in turn grow up to have their own amazing purposes...

BUT...what if you find out that your purpose is to pump gas until you retire (I know of one such person) or that you are to be a drone for your entire life so someone else can fulfill their purpose of being a leader? After discovering what your purpose is, are you allowed to try to alter it if you don't like it? I really do believe that everyone has a God-given purpose, but why do we feel like it's necessary to label ourselves with this purpose? If we live our lives the way that we should, do we not trust God to integrate this purpose into our lives? Isn't trying to find out what our purpose is sort of like trying to understand what God's plan is? Do we not trust that God has a plan for us?

I'm all for the concept of life-long learning, but in this case, I'm wondering is ignorance isn't bliss.

It has definitely been a long, hard road, but I think I may be rising above the hardships. My doctor insisted on having the PICC line removed. I was very unhappy with this news, but my husband, my advocate, stood up for me. He suggested that they leave the line in for a week while I went without the meds. This way, I knew that I could fall back on the PICC line if things started to get bad again. The doctor agreed, but only if I used the line if I started barfing. She said that nausea was not a good enough reason to rely on the line. The week began. The third day was Saturday and I started feeling nauseated, so I pumped some meds into the line. Oh, how good it felt! The next day was Mother's Day (and the weather was beautiful) so I didn't give the nausea a chance to rear it's ugly head...pumped some more meds. Oh joy! Needless to say, I was a junkie. I just viewed this as my husband gaining me an extra week of nausea-free heaven. On Friday, the line came out. It really is nice to shower without having to wrap my arm in plastic wrap.

I'm fat. I now weigh what I weighed when I went into labor with Ainsley. I'm only half way there. I'm a stinking cow. The doctors don't seem to be too concerned about it though. They're just happy that I'm not at the hospital every other day using my insurance. The thing that gets me is that, in my non-pregnant state, I'm very thin. I'm surprised at how rude people can really be:

"You're not due for 4 months...you look like you could pop any second!"
"Exactly how much weight have you gained?"
"Are you sure you're not having twins?"
"I never got that big when I was pregnant."
"So-and-so was hardly showing at this point in her pregnancy."
"What happens when you grow out of your maternity clothes?"

Had an ultrasound on Saturday. The baby is growing perfectly. And it's a girl! I think it will rock to have 2 girls. So glad that hubby agrees. I know a lot of guys that really feel the need to have a son. My husband admitted to me that he was secretly hoping for a girl. How cute is that?


Well, here's to more nauseating days without vomit.