How to Grow (and Raise) an Alien...or Two

I no longer feel guilty about calling the baby an alien. I was just checking on the development of the baby and babycenter.com called it a tadpole:

You may not look pregnant at this point, but your embryo's heart, no bigger than a poppyseed, has already begun to beat and pump blood. The heart is dividing into chambers, and will find a more regular rhythm soon. The embryo itself is about a quarter inch long and looks more like a tadpole than a human. It undergoes a growth spurt this week.

Major organs, including the kidneys and liver, begin to grow. The neural tube, which connects the brain and spinal cord, will close this week. The embryo's upper and lower limb buds begin to sprout — these will form your baby's arms and legs. The intestines are developing and the appendix is in place.

Below the opening that will later form the mouth, small folds exist where the neck and the lower jaw eventually develop. As early as this week, facial features are already forming. Nostrils are becoming distinct, and the earliest version of the eyes' retinas are forming.

It's so amazing to me that it's only 1/4 of an inch long and all of this stuff is already going on. As I sit at my desk and type, major organs are developing inside of me and they aren't my organs!

Okay, little tadpole...grow well. I will do my best to take care of you and make sure that you have a comfy growing environment. Be good. Love, Mommy

I have no idea how doctors calculate how far along a woman is in her pregnancy. Even though I only found out about the little alien last week, according to my doctor, I am 5 weeks pregnant. Whatever.

Whether it's one week, two weeks, or five weeks, I'm not sure that people should be able to tell that I'm pregnant. I was going to try to not tell anyone for a while (simply because I'm paranoid that I could miscarry), however the poof is giving away the secret. It's sad when you're 5 weeks pregnant and your belly is sticking out farther than your boobs. I had to start telling people. I couldn't have them thinking, "Boy, she really should start doing some sit-ups." I'm now just convincing myself that everything just remembers where it was during my last pregnancy and it's all just moving comfortably into place already.

I'm a little nauseated, but not bad. My biggest symtom is exhaustion. I'm constantly tired. I'm refusing to give into it, though. I have a full time job, a husband, a house and a 2-year-old that won't sit calmly by while I take a nap. I MUST NOT GIVE INTO IT.

This baby (a.k.a. "alien") was not an "accident". Sidebar: I absolutely hate when people get pregnant and say that it was an "accident". There are no accidents where conception is concerned. There's only one surefire way to not get pregnant. Don't have sex. If a person gets pregnant and wasn't planning on it, she should say that it was unplanned. So there.

Anyhoo, this baby was planned. We were blessed because we didn't have to try long (my husband most likely would not consider this a blessing, but he's not the one writing this). The first month when I tested, I was disappointed to get a negative result. The second month when I tested and got a positive result, I had to take 4 more tests to convince myself that it was true. Sometimes, I'm still not sure that I believe it. It's something that we were planning for and something we were so looking forward to and now that it's in the works, I can't help but think, "Oh, Lord, what have I done?" Our little family life is perfect the way it is: Daddy, Mommy & daughter. The dynamic is wonderful. Now we went and stirred it all up.

Everyday, I go from elation to confusion. Let's blame it on the hormones.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not calling babies aliens. The whole conception, pregnancy and birth process things are all very miraculous, but I can't get over the idea of there being something alive in my body (aside from the typical bacteria, tapeworms and other organisms that everyone has...). One day an egg gives a sperm a flirty little look and next thing you know he's all over her. Together they turn into a little group of cells that makes a second pink line show up on a pregnancy test. Then the insanity starts. The thing takes over my entire body. My boobs start to hurt, I'm exhausted, I'm nauseated, I'm emotional (which really is no different than any other time, but it's a bit more pronounced), I'm hungry, I'm exhausted, I'm starving, I'm exhausted... The group of cells starts to grow into a bigger group of cells. Without warning...a burp and then a fart. Wow...when did I get so gassy? The little group of cells is busy arranging all of it's DNA, deciding what sex it's going to be, what it will look like and what college it will go to. After a few weeks, while it still looks like a little blob, a heart starts beating. Within my body, there are two hearts beating. This thing will make my belly grow to an enormous size and when born, will leave behind stretch marks and flabby skin that will never go back into place. After being born, it will be able to support it's own life with it's own heart and own little organs that it grew all on its own inside my body. But before it's born, I will be supporting it...I will be its life source. Before it's born, it's kind of like a parasite...kind of like an alien.

My history:

July 7, 2000: I found out that I was pregnant. Wow - we weren't even trying.

August 8, 2000: I had a miscarriage. Thought about all the things that I did to cause it: painted rooms in my new house, carried furniture and heavy boxes when we moved, sat in hot tubs (I still don't understand not being able to do this...pregnant women NEED hot tubs), walked around too much in insane heat in New Orleans. So many people miscarry, though, so I had to convince myself to stop thinking this way. Every once in a while, my mind still goes there, but since I'm borderline ADD, it doesn't stay there for long.

December 24, 2000: Positive pregnancy test. Talk about being paranoid and obsessive. I was so worried that something was going to happen and I wouldn't get this baby, either. I was so odd that I welcomed morning sickness! Yikes!

August 21, 2001: After about 18 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, Ainsley Brynn was born at 3:14pm. She was 2 weeks early and weighed in at 8 pounds 7 ounces. She was beautiful and perfect, and perfect and beautiful. She still is. It's like someone took out my heart and it's walking around outside of me.

January 20, 2004: A faint pink line on the pregnancy test...could it be?

January 22, 2004: Yes, it could be. I'm growing an alien.